These things I know......

- Life is a cycle of beginnings and endings and everything in between.
 - What you give out in life comes back tenfold.
 - I LOVE chocolate and carbs!
 - I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend, photographer, businesswoman.
- I don't do enough exercise.
- I enjoy my own company.
 - I am closer to 40 than 30 and that's okay with me.
- I live with an abundance mentality.
 - I have strengths and I have weaknesses.
- I am not afraid of change.
- I am blessed with a wonderful family.
 - I am always seeking to learn more...about myself, my children, my craft and life.
- I don't like to sit still for too long.
- I DON'T DO MORNINGS!! :-)
 - I live in a wonderful tight knit community.
- I LOVE light and am fascinated by its majesty and beauty.
 - I LOVE to laugh...A LOT!
- To give to others brings me joy.
- I love change of seasons.
- To forgive is to have inner peace
 - I LOVE PEOPLE!
 - I like to have goals in my personal and professional life.




 I AM A STRONG, MODERN, INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO LIVES WITH DEPRESSION.

I have lived with depression for many years now. This is an illness - not a choice.

I can happily say after such a long time, that my illness is managed well and does not play a big role in my life today. It is, however a part me that is real and needs to be recognised.
 I have been completely incapacitated at times in the past where just waking up was hard, let alone struggling through the 'everyday'.

In 2004, 15 months and 3 days after the birth of my premmie daughter, I gave birth again. This time to my beautiful son. To say I fell apart would be a huge understatement! I suffered debilitating panic attacks. I couldn't close the blinds in my home or I would start to hyperventilate. I could only sleep with the lights on, and even then only in 15 - 20 min blocks before I would wake up panicking and run down the hallway pushing at the walls thinking they were closing in on me so severe was the panic and anxiety!
To state the obvious, I knew something was really wrong - this was way more than just the 'baby blues', and with the help of my mum I went immediately to my GP to get help....

Now, nearly 6 years on and LOTS of soul searching, I understand this is something I have lived with for over 20 years. I just wasn't diagnosed. I just thought my highs and terrible lows were normal, didn't everyone  feel this way?

The thing I struggled with the most was the shame.
How could I hold my head up high? How could I raise my children proudly when I have to take a pill every day just to be like a 'normal' person? What would people think if they knew the truth???

Over time I have come to terms and accepted that this is an illness and not something I can control. And even though it is a part of me, that is ALL it is - one of MANY parts of who I am, and I don't need to be ashamed of who I am.
 I am proud of how far I have come. This has been a harrowing journey and the 'dark place' that I just couldn't get out of was such a scary and lonely place to be in.....

I am one of the fortunate ones, I have had to go through many different medications with my GP to finally get the balance back in my life but I followed his advice every time and I have had wonderful support from those around me - even if they didn't really understand what I was going through and I haven't been back to my 'dark place' for quite a while now.
 I am no longer ashamed to talk about my experience with this illness and I have learnt a lot about myself through it. I also understand now, that even if something happens and I do slip back into the 'dark place' that I WILL come out of it... eventually..... because of the support around me.

The irony is that this illness has taught me to practice patience, to trust in myself and that even though it might feel like everything is pointless, that in time, it passes - ALL of 'it'.
I could go on and on about the consequences this has had on my life and explain in depth exactly what the 'dark place' is like for me, but I choose instead to focus on the positives I have.
 That is not to say I have brushed aside all that I have been through, I just choose not to focus on it.

I can comfortably share my experience without any pain now, but I choose NOT to have it DEFINE  who I am. As I said earlier, this is only one of many parts of who I am.

If you think you or someone you know may be suffering in silence, I cannot urge strongly enough that you need to speak to a professional and if you don't find one that supports you the first time, keep trying until you do. There IS help out there.
The shame of living with a mental illness lessens everyday as society grows and learns to be more accepting. You do not have to suffer alone. You CAN regain yourself and your life - I know, because I did.

To those of you who take the time to read my entry to the end - I sincerely thank you.
To anyone who may feel confronted or offended, I am sorry that you feel this way, but this is something I needed to do to help me with my personal journey, and if just one person wakes up in the morning and has the courage to speak out, or go and get help.....Well this is the beauty of the world we live in.

Thank You
Jodie